Ninja: Film Review
The martial arts action-adventure, Ninja, is one of the funniest films I’ve seen in years. It’s funnier than Karate Kid would have been had Danny Devito been cast in the role of Daniel Son.
As the end credits rolled, the laughs dissolved to giggles, the giggles to calm.
Then came the extras. My jaw, still vibrating from laughter, hit the deck harder than a skydiving rhino. I had, it would seem, misjudged the filmmakers’ intentions.
Ninja: The Funniest Unfunny Film of All Time
As it turns out, comedy was the last thing on the mind of Ninja director, Isaac Florentine. He was looking to hang a pioneering action movie on the coat peg of contemplative ancient Japanese philosophy.
Florentine and his crew are sincere in their intentions. I don’t question that. And their filmic convictions bleed through to the final cut of Ninja.
But their aspiration to elevate Ninja’s action-adventure credentials never marries with the fact that the film looks as though it was made by a group of 10 year-olds.
It’s this clash of ideals that leaves Ninja hammier than a tin of Spam.
Ninja: A Martial Arts Cliché
Ninja plays like a parody of the martial arts genre. The plot, which makes no sense at all, is cheesier than a pizza factory.
Let me channel the spirit of Master Sensei to tell you the story of Ninja: ah, yes, there is a warrior, Evil Ninja, dressed all in black. Evil Ninja is well-trained in the ways of chopsuey. He lives in a Japanese Dojo with his brother, Good Ninja. Evil Ninja, full of rage and jealousy, tries to kill Good Ninja during a sparring session. Master Sensei is very angry with Evil Ninja and banishes him from Dojo. Then there is sacred wooden box. Wooden box must be protected.
Good Ninja takes wooden box to vault in New York City – ah, Big Apple. Japan, it would seem, has no vaults.
Years later, Evil Ninja returns home. He is unwelcome. Evil Ninja chops off Sensei’s head after refusing to give him wooden box. Evil Ninja heads off to Big Apple for showdown with Good Ninja. The end.
Ninja: More Comedy Value Than a Dancing Chicken
Ninja is a brainless action extravaganza which could have easily been made in the 80s. The movie is stuck in a time warp, the only semblance of modernity creeping through in occasionally Matrix-esque fight scenes.
But the movie is so earnest and cute that it’s hard to hate. Anything that makes you laugh has to have some good points.
Take the script, for example, it’s full of comedic gems. They go something like this:
INT – SOME GUY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Good Ninja sits down to tea with a total stranger. The conversation is slim so he kick-starts a dialogue with his new friend.
GOOD NINJA
My dad was a drunk. He finally drank himself off the edge of a cliff when I was 12.
EXT – NEW YORK SIDEWALK – DAY
A band of Russian thugs, all in matching jackets, chase Good Ninja and his lady friend down a busy New York street. They want them dead; it’s only a matter of time. An endless stream of bullets spray in the direction of our heroes. Luckily, none of them reach their intended targets, passers-by providing meaty human shields.
CUT TO:
RUSSIAN THUG #9
(to Russian thug #11)
Remember!!!!! We need them alive!!!
Word of advice boys: if you need them alive, stop shooting at them!!!!
Ninja: The Best-Worst Movie
There are some genuinely impressive moments of action in Ninja. Unfortunately, they are lost under the weight of a confusing script, god-awful acting and the fact that it’s hard to focus when you’re rolling round on the floor in laughter.
Let’s bring the curtain down on this review by recalling one final classic scene from the movie:
Evil Ninja cuts the power to a police station, throwing it into darkness. Stealthily slipping though the building, Evil Ninja hears a group of concerned cops up ahead. Fearful of being seen in the pitch black, Evil Ninja deploys a smoke bomb.
Rating: 
Ross Wheatley
3:13 pm, August 20, 2010
The most meaningless, non-intentional comedic-action movie of all time. It had me in stitches in parts, but as you said the comedy genre was the last thing on his mind whilst making this film hearing the extras.
The acting alone was enough to exploit a few laughes from the audience. As for the script and story-lines, no comments are needed – no nice ones anyway.
Thanks for post.
Ross Wheatley
5:29 pm, August 20, 2010
….. I’m still laughing about the deployment of the smoke bomb in total darkness. Brilliant lol!
Al Fuller
7:35 pm, August 20, 2010
Surely it can’t be more funny than Dog soldiers? Different genre but still one of the non funny funniest films of all time!
Matt
9:16 am, August 21, 2010
Believe it or not Al, Ninja has way more funny milk in its coconut than Dog Soliders.
It’s classic comedy delivered with a swipe of the samurai sword.
EdWood
10:05 am, August 21, 2010
LMAO!!!!! Saw Ninja 2 & is soooo bad it goooooddddd. Fav film tis year!!!!! LMAO
Matt Fuller
6:33 pm, August 21, 2010
Matt, your writing’s exceptional. It made me want to see a bad film. How does it match up to Megashark vs. Giant Octopus!
Matt
7:42 pm, August 21, 2010
Hi Matt,
Ok, so its confession time again. I’m kind of ashamed to admit it, maybe I shouldn’t? I really don’t know?
What the hell! My momma always said honesty was the best policy, so here I go.
I have indeed seen Megashark vs. Giant Octopus. The wacky title hooked me in initially but it was the synopsis on the back of the case which really sold it.
How could I turn down the chance to watch two giant prehistoric sea creatures battle it out off the California coast? I simply couldn’t.
If that movie made you milkier than a coconut – and it did me – then check out the ‘mockbusters’ from American film studio, The Asylum.
They’ve put on a hammy spin on such classics as Snakes on a Plane (which became Snakes on a Train) and Transformers (Transmorphers).
First-class garbage all the way!
cheers